James Bond takes on Auric Goldfinger and Pussy Galore. Guess which one he turns to the good side using his persuasive-but-oh-so-persuasive man-skillz? Good grief, these films are sexist. If it weren’t for the part where Sean Connery does the cute little wave, wave, wink combo from his jail cell that’ll just melt your heart, I might have had to quit watching.
Fort Knox + poison gas + radioactive bombs + female flying circus + fatal spinning hat brims + you just got punk’d by the US Army + strict rules of golf = one of my favorite Bond films.
Before today, I didn’t even know it was POSSIBLE to get a blister under one’s toenail.
A POX UPON YE, BLISTER FROM HELL. Thy pain is mighty! Thou shalt not escape my sterilized needle for long.
So I hear if you use the red-hot tip of a heated paperclip you can bore a hole through your nail to pop the thing. Wish me luck.
I dare you to listen to this song and not crack a smile within the first 30 seconds. Double dog dare you.
Oh, geez. Best recipe for nostalgia and homesickness is watching When Harry Met Sally, by yourself, just before you go to sleep.
To Do:
1 - Translate “planking” to Spanish
2 - Start the South America planking craze
When someone answers the phone and then tells you they can’t talk right now. And then they hang up.
People - WHY do you DO this? The phone is not your master. You may choose to ignore it if you so desire.
Cell Phone Liberation Movement begins NOW.
Alas.
My hopes for a Deep Fried Deep South Home Cooked Birthday Meal have just been severely crushed.
If there ain’t fried okra, then it jest ain’t worth it.
I guess there’s always next year…
Bring on the pizza & beer. Cornbread, you can come, too.
41OZ. BAG OF STARBURST ATTACK!
Let the devil-may-care decadence and complete lack of self control begin.
Hypochondriacs, Unite!
Last night, instead of going out with friends, I succumbed to the throbbing pain in my head and neck and stayed home, popped some popcorn, and watched numerous episodes of The Big Bang Theory.
After which I made the mistake of googling “stiff neck headache” in an attempt to figure out what the blazes has been going on with me the past 3 nights. Here’s what popped up:
MENINGITIS.
I think I have meningitis, y’all. According to wikipedia, 90% of bacterial meningitis cases exhibit symptoms of strong headaches, and 70% present with nuchal rigidity. Not to mention the possibility of viral or parasitic meningitis, which is distinct considering I live in a place where water is not safe to drink, so what restaurant is going to tell you they don’t boil theirs?
And check out the map above. See that little spot on the Pacific coast of South America? That’s Ecuador. I live in a meningitis epidemic zone.
ALL SIGNS LEAD TO THE UGLY TRUTH.
Still, it’s best to have some back-up self-diagnoses, which are - in order of likelihood -
- Agoraphobia
- Strep throat
- E. Coli poisoning
- Friendly little amoebas
- Common cold
Thank you for your time.
PS - When I die, it may be best to burn all my possessions. Just in case.
