February 2012
1 post
January 2012
1 post
September 2011
3 posts
running blister
Before today, I didn’t even know it was POSSIBLE to get a blister under one’s toenail.
A POX UPON YE, BLISTER FROM HELL. Thy pain is mighty! Thou shalt not escape my sterilized needle for long.
So I hear if you use the red-hot tip of a heated paperclip you can bore a hole through your nail to pop the thing. Wish me luck.
I dare you to listen to this song and not crack a...
Oh, geez. Best recipe for nostalgia and homesickness is watching When Harry Met Sally, by yourself, just before you go to sleep.
August 2011
5 posts
Things that Annoy Me #923
When someone answers the phone and then tells you they can’t talk right now. And then they hang up.
People - WHY do you DO this? The phone is not your master. You may choose to ignore it if you so desire.
Cell Phone Liberation Movement begins NOW.
Alas.
My hopes for a Deep Fried Deep South Home Cooked Birthday Meal have just been severely crushed.
If there ain’t fried okra, then it jest ain’t worth it.
I guess there’s always next year…
Bring on the pizza & beer. Cornbread, you can come, too.
July 2011
4 posts
“I asked God to take my pain away. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.”
Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhat does this meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean???
Notorious Letters from Days Gone By
Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear iPhone, Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that....
It's my apartment,
AND I WILL POP MY GUM IF I DAMN WELL PLEASE.
June 2011
1 post
May 2011
5 posts
When it snows in Guayaquil.
That’s when you know the world is ending.
Sometimes when I am walking the streets of...
April 2011
11 posts
Gooooooooood morning! You know it’s gonna...
“First I lost my job.
Then I come home to find that my apartment building had...”
– Name that movie!
In today's crossword puzzle:
“It’s unmetered” 5 letters
…
…
…
…
…
prose.
GET IT, GET IT?
Saturday night, 1:03am
The dance party downstairs is being held by a couple of old men, I think. Their playlist is pretty good. Thus far I’ve heard various Toto songs as well as “Time of my Life,” and I am currently jamming to “Get Down On It.” The men must have beers, because they are drowsy sing-moaning the words. I hope the Rocky theme song gets played at some point. Hey, their door was open last time I walked...
“Christmas, for instance, has been identified as a heart attack trigger, as have...”
– The New York Times
Note to self, Do not wake up early, use cocaine, or overeat on a Monday, especially if it’s Christmas. And don’t move to LA.
“You stroke my skin
as though you’ve touched every inch of me
in another...”
– Karla K. Morton, For Love and Michelangelo
Viva la poesía!
Let the poeming begin.
March 2011
14 posts
Matt Monro, baby.
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience...
The James Bond Movie
The popcorn is greasy, and I forgot to bring a Kleenex. A pill that’s a bomb inside the stomach of a man inside The Embassy blows up. Eructations of flame, luxurious cauliflowers giganticize into motion. The entire 29-ft. screen is orange, is crackling flesh and brick bursting, blackening, smithereened. I unwrap a Dentyne and, while jouncing my teeth in rubber tongue-smarting clove, try with the...
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
4 posts
