Hypochondriacs, Unite!
Last night, instead of going out with friends, I succumbed to the throbbing pain in my head and neck and stayed home, popped some popcorn, and watched numerous episodes of The Big Bang Theory.
After which I made the mistake of googling “stiff neck headache” in an attempt to figure out what the blazes has been going on with me the past 3 nights. Here’s what popped up:
MENINGITIS.
I think I have meningitis, y’all. According to wikipedia, 90% of bacterial meningitis cases exhibit symptoms of strong headaches, and 70% present with nuchal rigidity. Not to mention the possibility of viral or parasitic meningitis, which is distinct considering I live in a place where water is not safe to drink, so what restaurant is going to tell you they don’t boil theirs?
And check out the map above. See that little spot on the Pacific coast of South America? That’s Ecuador. I live in a meningitis epidemic zone.
ALL SIGNS LEAD TO THE UGLY TRUTH.
Still, it’s best to have some back-up self-diagnoses, which are - in order of likelihood -
- Agoraphobia
- Strep throat
- E. Coli poisoning
- Friendly little amoebas
- Common cold
Thank you for your time.
PS - When I die, it may be best to burn all my possessions. Just in case.
